When I did my training as a coach, I had to submit a 'project' as part of my final piece. At the time I was going through divorce after nearly 25 years of marriage with two teenage girls. I looked into divorce and how coaching could help the process, my experience was that during my coach training I had used my coaching techniques and sailed fairly unscathed through the process. As I did my research I came across the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross diagram of grief, it fitted so well into divorce. Often with the breakdown of a marriage there can be relief from years of an emotionally abusive relationship, then shock as we go through feelings of grief for the marriage. If it was right for the marriage to end, and in our own best interests, why were there also feelings of sadness and anger? By studying this cycle I became aware that the emotional rollercoaster is a necessary part of letting go of a past that formed so much of our 'growing up' in relationships and that often feelings of guilt can follow.
So how do we manage this cycle of grief and let go of what we know no longer serves us? Often we talk it through with family and friends, which can give us some relief, but we will usually get an opinion based on that persons history and perception of us and our relationship. How do we really get down to how we are really FEELING and where to go with these feelings in order to move on?
This is an image, from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross of the transformation cycle. Life changes bring about a chance to transform ourselves into what we want to become in order to be THE BEST version of ourselves. Counselling can help to support us and listen to our experiences, but can tend to then keep us 'STUCK' in something. Coaching has the ability to reflect our own thoughts and desires bringing our awareness to them. Once we bring awareness to anything in our life we have the opportunity to make sustained changes around that awareness. Once we bring awareness to our thoughts, that are often limiting and negative, we have the opportunity to CHANGE those thoughts into positive, limitless thoughts and beliefs.
You can see the roller coaster of change above, how can you keep the roller coaster moving and not stuck? Engaging a coach who is experienced in the divorce, or separation process you will enable yourself to keep moving through change, although it could be a bumpy ride, and eventually find yourself at the bottom of the roller coaster on even ground.
Divorce is such an emotional roller coaster, how good would it be to get some help and support throughout the process and not get caught up in the small stuff of petty disagreements? Help you to make clear, logical decisions about your future and of those around you.
Please get in touch with me if you would like to know more about divorce coaching.